In honor of National Pharmacist Day this January, we’ve put together some PG over-the-counter humor to brighten your day.
January 12 is a day to honor the incredible work pharmacists do daily across the U.S. and beyond! Pharmacists play a critical role in patient care and often do it with humor to lighten the day’s stresses. We’re celebrating the unique wit of pharmacists with some funny pharmacy-themed jokes inspired by real life. We hope they make you smile.
The Pharmacy Dating Profile
A customer joked, “If I were a medication, I’d be labeled ‘use with caution.’”
The pharmacist chuckled, “Funny, my last date said the same thing. Turns out, she’d been warned that dating a pharmacist can have side effects.”
The Pick-Up Line
A man walked up to the pharmacy counter and said, “Hi, I’m here to see if you have anything that will make me irresistible to women.”
The pharmacist looked at him, raised an eyebrow, and handed him a bottle. “Here’s some mouthwash—let’s start there.”
Payment methods
A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for chapstick.
The pharmacist asks, “Credit card or cash?”
“Neither,” says the duck, “just put it on my bill.”
The Doctor’s Orders
A guy walked out of his doctor’s room looking rattled. His friend asked, “Everything alright? Bad news?”
He nodded. “The doctor told me I really need to stop drinking.”
His friend looked shocked. “Whoa… how did he diagnose you?”
The guy sighed, “Apparently, it’s when I cracked the third cold one during the physical.”
The Customer Confession
A man came to pick up a refill and whispered, “I need some advice… my girlfriend’s parents believe I’m a pharmacist.”
The real pharmacist raised an eyebrow, “Why would you tell them that?”
The man shrugged, “Thought it sounded better than ‘aspiring DJ.’”
The Health Nut in Disguise
A man approached his friend and said, “I’m trying to be healthier, so I bought this essential oil. Apparently, it’s great for relaxation.”
His friend glanced at the oil, then at him. “Wait… aren’t you just putting olive oil on pizza?”
The man grinned, “Exactly. Essential for my happiness.”
Help, please
At a medical symposium, a doctor is preparing to give his speech on a new form of treatment that could save many lives. He has a terrible memory and gets nervous quite easily, so he writes his notes beforehand.
When he finally gets on stage in front of hundreds of doctors and scientists to present his discovery, he is horrified to realize he left his glasses behind and cannot read any of his notes!
After a moment of silence, he asks, “Is there a pharmacist in the house?”
The Flu Dilemma
What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires a tweetment and the other an oinkment.
The Third-Degree
One customer told me he had passed both his Bachelor’s and Master’s with first-class honors but failed his Ph.D exam twice. He asked me for something for his third-degree burns.
Secret to a Good Night’s Sleep
An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control powder that I can dissolve.”
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a while and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control powder that can dissolve?”
The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world does birth control help you to sleep?”
The woman said, “I dissolve them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”
A brief history of Pharmacy: “Patient – I have a stomach ache.”
- 200 BC – “Here, eat this root.”
- 350 AD – “That root is heathen. Recite this prayer.”
- 1850 AD – “That prayer is superstition. Drink this potion.”
- 1940 AD – “That potion is poison. Swallow this pill.”
- 1985 AD – “That pill is ineffective. Take this antibiotic.”
- 2000 AD – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”
One-liners
Where do New Yorkers get their cholesterol meds? Statin Island.
Sometimes, when we hand a customer a bottle of metronidazole, we say, “This bottle can break easily because it’s Flagyl!”
Love is like asthma; it takes your breath away!
