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Funny Pharmacist Jokes

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A bit of humor goes a long way
A bit of humor goes a long way!

The joys of being an online pharmacy mean that we miss out on the day to day interaction that retail pharmacists experience. For example, when random people walk into their pharmacy at inopportune moments, or, when you get asked amusing and somewhat strange requests from passers-by.

All the prerequisites for funny pharmacist jokes. While we do have a lot of personal interaction with our online pharmacy customers, conversations normally revolve around dosage instructions, health warnings and reminding customers to order their refills on time. Everything is done over the phone or by email so it’s all very organized and polite. Our loyal customers can vouch for that and we also have an option for new customers or site visitors to ask the pharmacist questions directly.

Sometimes it’s nice to remind ourselves of the humorous side to being a retail pharmacist, so here are a few of our favorite pharmacist jokes. Enjoy and feel free to share with us any funny personal experiences or pharmacy jokes you come across!

The Pharmacists’ Morning

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning, on the phone.” I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.

“Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist & demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. “This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast & hurried out to the car, just to realize that I’d locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.” “Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.”

“When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.”

He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing. “When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.”

“Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. “And believe me, mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.”

Your father the pharmacist

A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

“Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the” night. We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.” The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.” He leans over to her and whispers, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”

The problem with hiccups

A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.

“What did you do that for?” the man asks.
“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?”
The man says, “No, but my wife out in the car still does!”

Pillbox 🙂

A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient. “Be sure not to take this more often than every 4 hours,” the pharmacist says. “Don’t worry,” replies the patient. “It takes me 4 hours to get the lid off”.

Local Application

Customer gets a topical cream. Direction: apply locally two times a day.
Customer says to the pharmacist: “I can’t apply locally, I’m going overseas.”

That’s it for now but we’d love to hear your funny pharmacy stories and made-up pharmacist jokes so please share them with us on the comments section! Every Sunday we are going to post another funny pharmacy joke on twitter and facebook and we’re calling it “Silly Sunday”. For those of us in Israel it’s a nice opener to the week (as our Sunday is your Monday) and for those of you around the world, it should give you an extra laugh to brighten the weekend.

*with special thanks to and and for providing us with these jokes!

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