A question that I believe every young man has asked themselves at some point is, “What does it take to be a real man?” The transition from boyhood to manhood in a spiritual and emotional sense doesn’t really have a set age limit, and some transitions come earlier or later in life than others. International Men’s Day (IMD) has been celebrated on November 19 each year, starting in 1999, and is now recognized in over 90 countries. One of its main goals is to highlight positive male role models, not just celebrities or athletes, but also everyday men who lead decent and honest lives.
A key feature of men who become positive male role models may have been exposure to positive male role models in their own journey. So, in the spirit of 2024’s IMD, let’s look at what it takes to be a positive male role model and things to avoid so as to not fall into the trap of negative masculinity.
What is the point of International Men’s Day?
International Men’s Day gives everyone a chance to celebrate by working towards mental, spiritual, and physical health goals that are important for all men and boys, no matter their age, ability, background, ethnicity, sexuality, gender identity, religion, or relationship status.
The day aims to highlight positive male role models, including everyday men who lead good and value-driven lives, not just celebrities and athletes. Recognizing the positive contributions that men make to society, communities, families, marriage, child care, and the environment is a key part of the day, as is focusing on men’s health and well-being. It’s also a day to address discrimination against men in social services, attitudes, expectations, and laws and work towards improving gender relations and promoting equality.
What is a positive role model?
Positive role models can greatly impact a child’s growth and development. They inspire confidence, teach strong moral values, help kids achieve their goals, and guide them in handling social interactions effectively.
Why Positive Male Role Models Are Important
You’ve likely heard of toxic masculinity in recent years. Toxic masculinity is how society pressures men to act. It can show up differently in each person, but overall, it forms a somewhat harmful idea of what it is to be a “real man.”
Men often face societal expectations of toughness, being strong and aggressive while suppressing their feelings. They are encouraged to shun anything deemed feminine, such as showing emotions, seeking help, or doing housework. Men’s value in toxic masculinity may also be tied to possessing money, power, and influence. Although some of these traits may stem from natural desires for success and adventure, they become detrimental when men feel compelled to conform to a specific mold, which may cause them to deny their true selves.
Showing these traits can cause many issues for men. For example, young boys often hear caretakers telling them to “be tough” or “shake it off” when they get hurt or face problems. This leads them to hide their feelings, making them feel ashamed when they have emotions that aren’t seen as “manly.” Anger is seen as the only emotion they’re allowed to show. This “man up” idea can make them less empathetic, and they may see caring behavior as “weak.”
What does positive masculinity look like?
Positive masculinity involves helpful actions and beliefs that lead to good outcomes for both boys and men. This means understanding responsibility and the benefits of caring for others. Positive masculinity can be taught, which created the Positive Psychology-Positive Masculinity paradigm (PPPM).
The PPPM recommends important steps to promote positive masculinity. These include practicing “action empathy,” where someone acts out of consideration for another’s feelings. Building self-reliance is also key, which means understanding one’s own thoughts while considering others’ perspectives. Respecting women involves not harming them, avoiding sexist jokes, and standing up against sexist behavior.
Humor is often used by men in positive ways, like easing tension or dealing with conflicts. Positive masculinity encourages humor that cares for others rather than making fun of them. Finally, men don’t have to be “heroes” by old standards, like always being strong and never showing weakness. True strength involves working hard, caring for others, and asking for help when needed. Positive masculinity creates a safe space for men and boys to express themselves and seek support.
Who Are Positive Male Role Models?
The good news is that a positive male role model doesn’t have to be someone famous. When the internet is flooded with more negative male role models than positive ones, instead of creating new online influencers or celebrities for young guys, it might be better to recognize the value of existing role models. By observing the positive impact of these “everyday influencers,” (family members, teachers, coaches, or neighbors), we can learn what is working to fight toxic masculinity and understand the factors influencing young males and their mentors.
Boys often look up to male role models, whose influence can shape their thoughts and actions as they try to imitate them. It’s important for young boys to have good male role models they can look up to and copy. This helps them have strong, relatable, and healthy examples in their lives.
Positive role models can inspire and motivate people, encourage good habits, and help set and reach goals. It’s important to recognize and celebrate these role models, especially the everyday ones who influence young boys daily by not just telling them how to act but also by showing good behavior themselves.
How to Rethink What it Means to be Masculine
Here are some ways we can rethink what it means to be masculine so we don’t hurt ourselves, our community, or those we care about.
Accept help from others and offer help when possible. There is no need to struggle alone. If someone offers support, why not take it? Better yet, reach out to someone who might be having a hard time and offer help. Feeling connected and supported by others can lower anxiety and depression. Accepting help can promote better mental health and help to build stronger relationships.
Work on building character, personal growth, and values. If someone is different from traditional roles, let them be without criticizing or judging them. Likewise, stop trying to control others. Feeling threatened by what others think, who they are, or what they choose shows a person’s insecurities more than any problem with them.
Model different emotions for kids and young men and teach them to understand why they feel that way, what it’s for, and how to express it properly. This requires real bravery and might mean getting comfortable with personal emotions. Men do feel more than just anger, but can most recognize worries and handle them in effective ways? Can they feel sadness, grief, or depression without shutting down? Recognizing the spectrum of feelings and managing them well can really help health, friendships, and romantic relationships.
How to Be a Positive Male Role Model
Sometimes, young males might not have positive role models to look up to. In these cases, schools, parents, and friends should help find good role models to show them what healthy masculinity looks like. This way, all young men can learn positive behaviors.
Some ways to be a positive male role model for younger men in your life are to:
- Truly care about young people and focus on helping them grow. Work on building their character and skills.
- Recognize and reward people’s efforts, not just the outcomes.
- Show positive traits like determination, hard work, resilience, and respect.
- Lead by example by acting ethically, morally, and healthily, and demonstrate these for others.
- Treat others how you want to be treated, showing good attitudes and behaviors, even without recognition.
- Always try your best and ask for help and support when you need it.
- Show real interest in others and listen carefully to them. Encourage them to share their thoughts and questions, and let them know their opinions matter.
This way, young guys can see a different idea of success than what they might see from famous influencers online. They can understand that success also means being a good friend and teammate and showing positive masculinity. By following this good example, they might become positive male role models, and the cycle continues.
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