Sometimes it’s nice to remind ourselves of the humorous side to being a retail pharmacist, so here are a few of our favorite pharmacist and medcine jokes. Enjoy and feel free to share with us any funny personal experiences or pharmacy jokes you come across!
The Pharmacists’ Morning
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning, on the phone.” I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.
“Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist & demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. “This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast & hurried out to the car, just to realize that I’d locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.” “Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.”
“When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.”
He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing. “When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.”
“Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. “And believe me, mister, all I did was tell her what to do with it!”
Your father the pharmacist
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
“Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the night.” First, we’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once swe’ve started, I think I could go all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.” The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.” He leans over to her and whispers, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”
The problem with hiccups
A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.
“What did you do that for?” the man asks.
“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?”
The man says, “No, but my wife out in the car still does!”
Pillbox 🙂
A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient. “Be sure not to take this more often than every 4 hours,” the pharmacist says. “Don’t worry,” replies the patient. “It takes me 4 hours to get the lid off”.
Local Application
Customer gets a topical cream. Direction: apply locally two times a day.
Customer says to the pharmacist: “I can’t apply locally, I’m going overseas.”
Spelling counts
A man walks into a pharmacy with a giant rabbit hopping behind him. He tells the pharmacist, “I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is your hair growth formula works. The bad news is that you really need a spell checker!”
Ancient medicine
What’s the first mention of medicine in the Bible? It’s when Moses received the two tablets!
Politics
There is now bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
Ancient medicine #2
A tribesman went to his village medicine man and requested a colonic for his constipation. The medicine man said, “Let’s try something else first.”
He opened a jar and pulled out a bunch of dried-out fern leaves, and placed them in a cup of hot water. He told the man to let it brew a bit and then to sip it slowly.”
The man did that, and then suddenly he leapt up and charged out of the tent, coming back a few minutes later to thank the medicine man, with a hunk of caribou meat in payment for his relief. Moral of the story? “With fronds like these, who needs enemas!”
The right medicine works!
The other day, our head pharmacist asked me if I knew why a customer was standing outside leaning against the wall and not moving. I replied “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him a bottle of laxative.”
The pharmacist said, “That’s wrong, you idiot! You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
I replied, “Oh yeah? Look at him, he’s afraid to cough!”
That’s it for now but we’d love to hear your funny pharmacy stories and made-up pharmacist jokes so please share them with us. For those of us in Israel it’s a nice opener to the week (as our Sunday is your Monday) and for those of you around the world, it should give you an extra laugh to brighten the weekend.
*with special thanks to our sources like Reddit for providing us with some of these jokes!
